(now)

This self portrait was taken a little over two years ago. August 21, 2008 to be exact. Wow. To think how much has changed in my life since then. Or has it? Seems to me I'm more and more tired every day. My energy feels completely zapped as compared to the moment above, I remember it well. My parents tell me "so is life and that's the way it goes" but somehow I feel there's so much more to it than that. Someone has to be waiting on the other end for me to share it with (my true love... my soul mate). There just has to be. Maybe I'm kidding myself?

I have such a beautiful son, whom I place most of my time and energy into. What a sweet kid, he is my world and I love him so very much. But for me personally, I just don't know. It's been really hard finding me. That and I've never really felt I've had a true love connection (yet) with that special someone. Ever. Not even when I was married. That is very sad to me! There were moments, obviously, we have a wonderful child together. But as a whole, no.

Please tell me this isn't how it goes!

So Sandy, you're telling us you don't know what true love is really like?

Yes.

I can tell you that life is nothing as I dreamed it would be. It's nothing compared to my thoughts as a little girl of what happiness was suppose to be like when I got older. I dreamed of Cinderella, finding her handsome prince, having babies & babies and living happily ever after. Those were my dreams. Not so, and I am dealing with the reality of that.

The Dukes of Hazzard use to be one of my favorite shows as a child. I remember countless times writing Bo Duke love letters and putting them in the mail. I can't tell you if I even addressed them or placed postage stamps on them but they weren't there the next day so I recall feeling very confident in knowing they were getting to where they needed to be. Hahaha, I guess the mail man didn't have it in his heart to send them back to me, that or my parents got rid of them. My mom has never shown me any she'd saved though, so I guess it was the mail man. Oh boy...

My first crush, his name was Austin Clark, was in the 2nd or 3rd grade I think. He used to push me in the swing on the playground and hold my hand. He was just nice to me and that was it. Nothing expected in return. So innocent. He moved away though at the end of 3rd grade, maybe beginning of the 4th (for all my facebook friends from way back then who are reading this... don't be laughing now, I remember a lot about you guys too!). But Austin is the first boy I remember liking that much. Brown hair, brown eyes.

Thinking back my first kiss didn't happen until I was 15. I didn't date a whole lot in grade school, I was too shy. I suppose I'm thankful for that, in a way. I did make some awesome guys friends though, who are still my friends today. I wouldn't trade that for anything. Nada.

So only one true companionship and connection with someone, ONE, not many, just one, is what I long for in this life. Who doesn't? It's like this blog entry. I honestly would much rather share my thoughts with the one person who genuinely wants to hear them... and not the world. But as it appears, I keep on writing.

And here we are, 10 days into the new year...

For the record, I'm not a huge new year resolution maker, never have been. Seems I obviously cannot predict the future so why go there. Each day is a new and different (to me) and should be handled as such, I think at least. Now goals, goals are a different story. I have those. But they can be made at any time a person chooses, so I'm good with that. No new years resolutions here.

All in all, happy with myself is who I want to be, who I'm trying to be...

Ugh, who talks about this stuff? Am I making any sense?

(love)

I love the following passage. A friend of mine had it posted on his facebook page today, he said it's been around a while but it's the first time I'd ever seen it. He also said it came from Cambridge University and I believe it. They're always testing people's brains over there, gotta love 'em...

"I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid raeds the wrod as a wlohe."

Eric Hutchinson is one of my very favorite people, his music is incredible. But most of all, I appreciate him for the realist that he is, har because, well, on most days, I'm not. Well maybe I am, I dunno. Anyway, he & his guys are on tour right now with Kelly Clarkson and have been for a while, traveling all around, awesome stuff.

And now, I must share a few You Tubes with you. Sorry, I just can't help myself. :)

This first You Tube is the only one that is actually mine. It's Hutch in Chicago, last May. I'm a little bummed my p&s camera distorted the sound so much, it's pretty bad actually. None the less, I'm just happy to have the video. Not sure how my camera filmed it in sepia either, didn't mean to do that, but it works I guess. The Abbey that night was sold out, SO much fun. My brother's boyfriend surprised me with 2 of the last 5 tickets left & took me out to it. Love him for that!

The next You Tube is one of my favorite acoustics of Eric, from the 103.1 KCDA Conference Room in Spokane, WA. I'm really diggin' his hair in this one.

Whoo mercy, let's see. The next one is Hutch singing 'Private Eyes' with Daryl Hall. How awesome is that. It's a 6 minute vid and they start singing the actual song around the 3 minute mark. Love it love it love it. The date they recorded it is an interesting one to me, my mom and I had just seen him a day or two before, I was sick actually and had complete laryngitis, no voice. I remember Eric asking me, "How'd that happen?" and I couldn't answer him hahaha... I got to feeling a little better a couple days after that, so then a good friend of mine and I went back to Atlanta to see him at another concert. A good memory.

This last one is a very favorite cover song of mine, of his. I could seriously dance all night to his tune. ;)

So yep, I have lots of favorites. I've truly been listening to his voice intently for quite some time. His shows are amazing, his band members are amazing and he's amazing. Fun fun fun. Wouldn't trade any of it. I have tons more pics too, maybe I'll round 'em all up sometime and add them here, we'll see.

"Sounds Like This" is his current album and like I've said many many times before, it's perfect-o. Putting together great music like he does can't be anything he learned in school and is most definitely his God given talent. Gotta love him. You will too if you listen. xoxo

This photograph was taken yesterday. It's so hard to believe this is now, these flowers are gorgeous, very unusual for the South this time of year. I'm loving it in addition to the change in season and all the fall colors around me. It's wonderful. xo

Love the way this soap smells.

My friend Molly says, "I first fell in love with this soap's deliciously spicy citrus blend because it reminded me of warm summers gardening alongside my grandfather eating tomatoes and cucumbers pulled fresh off of the vine. It is both warm and calming with fresh notes of lime. After my husband started showering with Bay Rum regularly, it brought back memories of old sailing ships, the smell of teak and salt air with a twist of boat drinks, of course. Great for "salt of the earth" types or for an old salt, you'll love this refreshing reminder of the sea."

See Molly & Mikes Salt Water Soap Co. on Etsy

So yesterday was my birthday, duhnduhnduuuuuhn... Friday the 13th. Hate to break it to ya but nothing bad happened. :) Twas a good day. I'm not officially a true Friday the 13th baby anyway, nor was I born under a full moon either (at least I don't think I was... need to ask my mom about that actually), so yeah. And this is my official one day older face, which was taken today. Honestly, I feel so obnoxious posting photos of myself so this will probably be the only one I'll put up. As days go by I feel less inclined to take self portraits, like I have in the past. It's just not that important to me anymore, really. xo

Went for another walk this afternoon and wanted to post this. These colors warm the depths of my heart most definitely. I have so many memories and good times attached to this season, old and new, I love it so. More of my recent memories within the last 2 to 3 years make me love it even more. And that's just it, I don't want them to be memories. It's hard holding onto a season and waiting for it to come back around sometimes.

The photos below were taken a few days ago in Cloudland Canyon State Park. It's an area I frequent often. Love it. The main hike is a tough one, well coming back up is... lol, over 3 miles of freakin' stairs, is what the sign says anyways. There's no way without the stairs either, so thankful they took the time to install each one. Every time I hike it I look at the sign and have to laugh, "Why am I doing this to myself again?". Then I get to the falls and yessssssss... it was all worth it. No wait, then I have to walk back up, ugh. But that's okay, it's a great time to do lunges. Anyway, we've had an extremely rainy fall in the South this year, so the waterfalls have definitely been extra spectacular. See? Rain is awesome if you make it work for you.

http://www.gastateparks.org/info/cloudland/

Oh hey and I listened to the most amazing album last night. A friend of mine from Texas sent it to me... Lovely Creatures by Bob Schneider.

(it's a HOT one!)

EDIT: Here's some neat info on Cloudland Canyon via Wiki which gives a more detailed description of the actual hike...

"The Park contains several well-marked trails which allow visitors to view the geology of the canyon and its surroundings, which spans millions of years.[1] A paved, wheelchair-accessible trail about 0.25 miles (0.40 km) long overlooks the rim of the canyon. The park also features three more extensive hiking trails, including one backpacking trail. These trails are generally considered moderate in difficulty.[8]

The Waterfalls Trail begins on a paved section, at the main overlook, and progresses into the canyon along a 40-degree slope. Most of the trail consists of gravel, and a 600-step staircase.[7] Each waterfall emanates from Daniel Creek, and both cascade down sheer faces at 60 feet (18 m) and 90 feet (27 m). The trail is generally considered to be a strenuous hike, which can take up to 90 minutes to complete.[8] The first waterfall is 0.3 miles (0.48 km) from the trailhead; the second waterfall, at the bottom of the canyon, appears at 0.5 miles (0.80 km).[9] Each cascades into small pools at the base of the canyon, and continue down through a boulder-strewn stream bed. The creek flow feeding the waterfalls varies considerably according to the season.

In contrast, the 4.8-mile (7.7 km) long West Rim Loop Trail is rated as moderately difficult, although it contains a few short, steep rocky sections.[10] A a scenic hike[11] beginning at the Daniels Creek Bridge, it offers panoramic views, before climbing out of the canyon and onto the plateau. This trail also provides views of Trenton, Georgia, neighboring Sand Mountain, and of Cloudland Canyon itself. Rhododendron and mountain laurel thickets interspersed with sourgum, dogwood and large oaks, hickories, hemlocks and maples shade the trail. Cottages, West Rim, and Walk-In Camping areas are accessible via the West Rim Loop. Passing over varied terrain, most of the hike is moderately difficult, and is considered strenuous along several short sections.[11]

The 2.0-mile (3.2 km) Backcountry Loop Trail provides access to the park's eleven secluded primitive hike-in camping sites.[12] Beginning at the parking area for group camping, the trail passes through hemlock groves, before descending on a moderate grade into a hollow filled with spring and summer flowers. At the far end of the loop, hikers emerge from the hemlocks groves onto level trail, among oaks and hickories, before returning to the parking area."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cloudland_Canyon_State_Park

I love the way my Aunt Debby dictates her words through her emails to family & me. She is straight and to the point, something I feel I struggle with for sure when I write. I've kept every single email she's sent to me since July '09 regarding Lydia, her Mom, my Grandmother. I regret not keeping more before that as each are such a great memory and account of my Gramma's last days on earth.

This she sent to family & friends just yesterday. I suppose if she minds that I posted it, she can ask me to take it off my blog here (I hope you don't!)... I love the part where she wrote about the marshmallow chocolate covered cookies. Oh that was so my Gramma, I absolutely love it...

My mother, Lydia Price, went home to Jesus tonight at about 7PM. I had the privilege of our hands resting on each other as she went on to join my Dad. She had been very ill for the last 6 months and though we had hoped for her to go to assisted living, she went to skilled nursing at NHC and within a few weeks passed on.

She had a wonderful time days before, with all of her children coming home to see her and we sang hymns, rekindled memories and marveled at the life she had led. Thank you to our friends and family who have supported us through nearly 5 years of hard times. In the last 6 months, she had been hospitalized over ten times.

I will miss her funny ways… and telling the ER doctors that she used to be a professional wrestler named Leaping Lydia… and that she had told them I was a boil on her butt… she did not like me being the caregiver. You’d have to know her to appreciate her choice of words. We were close, very close, and I will hardly know what to do now that I won’t be calling her 4 or 5 times a day and going to all of her doctor’s appointments. And I will never pass a package of marshmallow chocolate covered cookies that I don’t think of the time I found 5 or 6 packages stuffed in her oven… she had a sweet tooth for sure.

And let me tell you how wonderful it is to have my sweet Dave as my helper and co-caregiver through all of this. God certainly smiled on me when I met him. He has been a rock and a comfort beyond words. And when I go to Heaven, I will know that we will be there together and the bond goes beyond here to there.

Let me say what my mother always said on her answering machine… "This is the day the Lord hath made, let us rejoice and be glad in it" and my father loved to say, “Here, there or in the air”...

What a journey they took and are taking now together.

Debby